Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.....

I have a bit of a problem on my hands.  If you've read any of my previous entries, you know that I thought long and hard, and decided to pull Maddie out of the wonderful Christian school she was in, in order to home school her......in order to reduce her stress of being in a classroom.........in order to bring her A1C down.  As you may have read, everyone who should have been on my side was against me, but I did it anyway, for the benefit of my child.

It's worked, the A1C is slowly coming down, and Maddie is doing a great job at her work, and liking the curriculum that I chose.  I even went so far as to put her in some cool "home school" classes that a local group provides for kids to experience electives, be away from mom, etc.  (I know, I know, that last part defeats the purpose, but whatever......)

Lately, I've been getting flack about how I'm reducing stress now (and lowering the A1C) but when she does get to a point in her life that she experiences stress, whether it be going back to school, or just life in general, she will not be able to handle it, therefor making her A1C go up again.

Maybe I'm rambling, but I think that if I'm doing what is best for the health of my child RIGHT NOW, then I'm doing the right thing.  I'm realizing that indeed it was the stress of having other kids around, whether it be distractions, or competition with grades, tests, etc.  I've learned a lot about her since we've started homeschooling, and I feel like I'm doing the right thing for her, right now. 

Should I worry about "later" now?  Or should I concentrate on "now" now?  Or should I just do what I think is best for my diabetic child?  I mean, it's not like I'm her mother or anything, or in charge of her entire well being, or the primary care taker of this stupid thing we call diabetes.  Oh, wait--YES I AM.

 

Reply

I just wanted to write a quick post to reply to a comment that someone made on one of my older posts.  I don't know the commentor, but I am very glad that she found my blog and read it.  That really means a lot to me.  The more we know about the stuggles people have with diabetes, the closer we'll be to finding a cure.

I think she misunderstood the title of my blog, which is "A Beautiful Diabetic".  She wrote:   

"It is sad that you identify your daughter as diabetic.
It should be....My Beautiful daughter is Maddie. She is 9 and she's smart, talented, full of life, and hilarious, all rolled up into one precious little body. o yeah she is diabetic.
Diabetic is not who she is."

You're right--a diabetic is not who she is.  And just so you know, I don't really 'identify' her as diabetic.  The reason I called my blog "A Beautiful Diabetic" is because I want people to know about this disease, and how it affects children and families on a realistic daily basis.

I could have called it ":My Beautiful Maddie" and that would have been a wonderful title, but for me, I want to reach out to that one mother, who sits in despair at her computer, googling diabetes because her child was just diagnosed.  I want her to know that my diabetic child lives a normal, fun-filled, yet sometimes treacherous life.  This disease is a fight that we are going to win, and that is the point of my blog.

Another reason for writing my blog, mostly about diabetes, is because there is a huge community out there of families with children who have the disease.  Personally, I value those other moms who have that in common with me, and who also have blogs about their diabetic kids.  I look to them for support, and questions when necessary.

But, thank you, friend, for caring enough to leave a comment on my blog.  I sincerely appreciate your input.  But don't be sad~  I don't identify Maddie as a diabetic.  It's just a creative title that is intended to catch the eye of someone who is struggling with the same thing. 

The What Ifs

If you are a mother, and you’ve ever been told that something was wrong with your child, you probably wondered, “What did I do, or not do, for this to happen??”  As far as type 1 diabetes is concerned, there are many different scenarios on how one “gets” it. 

You can’t “catch” it.  You can’t pick it up from touching a bathroom toilet, you can’t get it from someone sneezing behind you at the movies, and you can’t get it from not washing your hands after you’ve handled raw chicken.  I think life would be a lot easier if we could prevent our kids from getting it. 

Our endocrinologist says that Maddie was predisposed to having diabetes, but that also at some point in time, she got a virus that attacked her immune system, which led to her body attacking her pancreas, then her thyroid (Hashimoto’s Disease), thus reeking auto-immune disease havoc inside her little body.

Hereditarily speaking, (do you like how I just now threw that in there??) there is diabetes in my family.  My sister was diagnosed with type 1 in her late 20’s.  I also remember my grandfather taking insulin and keeping track of his blood sugar, but my mom and sister are starting to think that maybe he had type 2.  Who knows…..  So, evidently, Maddie was set up from the start to someday have diabetes.  It’s in her DNA.  

But, as far as this whole virus thing, well, there were a few years in there (before I had my boys) when life wasn’t so chaotic, and I actually had time to be a neat and organized  mom.  There were several times when she was 2 or 3 years old, that I remember Maddie having a fever for a couple of days.  I remember being baffled because she didn’t have a sore throat, her ears didn’t hurt, she wasn’t throwing up, and there was no rash anywhere on her body.  She was acting fine, she was just burning up.

There would be the “chicken pox scare of VBS 2003” or the “fifths disease scare of toddler 2’s Sunday school 2001”.  I would periodically get the emails and phone calls from my friends saying that “so-and-so’s child has a rash” or “such-and-such is broken out all over his hands, feet, and mouth”, and my personal favorite, “such-and-such spent all night cleaning up throw up from so-and-so’s stomach bug”.  Fortunately, somehow, Maddie steered clear of all of those icky air born illnesses. 

There was a time when I may have slightly bragged about Maddie not ever really getting very sick.  She had the occasional ear infection, or runny nose, but she was never down for more than half a day or so.  And when she was, as a good first-time-mom, I always rushed her to the doctor to get medicine, not only so that she wouldn’t feel miserable, but also because I valued my sleep and didn’t want to mess up the great schedule that she was on. 

But I can’t help but think that one of those mysterious fevers when she was very little may have been “the one” that did all the auto-immune damage.  The pediatrician would say, “Marcie, it’s just a fever.  She checks out okay, so just treat it with over the counter medicine.”  So I did.  Children’s Tylenol and Children’s Ibuprofen were my best friends.

When she was diagnosed at 5, the endocrinologist said that judging from her terrible A1C score, (14.2~yikes!!) she probably had had diabetes (undiagnosed) for about 2 years or so.  My response was “Whaaaaaat?” 

Yep, that’s right.  For TWO whole years, my child lived with an undiagnosed chronic illness, without my knowledge, as I fed her all of the foods that she is NOT supposed to indulge in without some sort of insulin injection.  Nice, huh? 

I try to concentrate every day on how healthy Maddie is today, and how blessed we are to have her on her pump.  How she has more energy than myself and Shawn put together, how sweet, beautiful, and smart she is, and how she has so many friends that love being around her.  I can’t help but wonder about all of the “what ifs” but I guess I’ll never know….. 

Daddy's Girl

I had always dreamed of having a little blond, curly headed girl. She and I were going to play together, laugh together, and we would always be best friends. We would hang out together all the time, and at any waking moment, I would want to spend it with her. I would have a shopping buddy, and we would be so happy together.

Then I had my baby girl.

She didn’t have blond curly hair, and the only person she wanted to be around was Daddy. I spent all day with her, every day. She would cry, fuss, throw up on me, and all of that “mom” stuff. But no. She didn’t want me. She wanted her Daddy.

She wanted Daddy first thing in the morning, she wanted Daddy all throughout the day, she wanted Daddy in the evenings, and she wanted Daddy during the night. I was chopped liver. She couldn’t have cared any less about my existence.

There was excitement in her voice and love on her face at the mere mention of his name. She was totally different when he got home. She was calm, loving, quiet, and sweet. You would have thought it was Christmas morning when she heard the door open. To see Daddy, or hear his voice was sheer excitement and pure joy.

She had him wrapped around her finger, too. She still does. And his heart melts for his beautiful girl.