Starting Over

This past summer, we made a very important decision.  Maddie decided that she wanted to go back to school.  Instead of going to the private school where she attended K-2nd grade, with a full-time nurse to keep a watchful eye on her, she went back to public school.  Back to having 25 kids in one class, back to me not knowing what or how much she's eating, back to a nurse being at the school ONE day per week, back to regular daily recess and PE sessions, and back to me worrying about her for approximately 5 hours of the day.

I honestly enjoyed homeschooling Maddie.  I can't guarantee that I was the best teacher in the world, but we had a really good time.  Unfortunately, I'm not one of these supermoms that I have come in contact with on a weekly basis over the last 2 years who have made it their life's work to educate their children.  I just did what I had to do at the time, and now I'm through with it.  When I started really thinking of all the "normal" fun things that she was going to miss out on by not being in a school setting, I started to feel guilty.  It doesn't have anything to do with her social skills, but more importantly, little things like chatting with her friends at lunch and recess, playing an informal game of kickball on the playground, field trips, Go Far, and the list goes on and on..... 

I had started thinking about checking into the school where the neighborhood kids attend.  I asked around (including people whose kids do not attend there) and found that it was in fact a great school--the best elementary school in the county.  I made a brief mention of "going back to school" to Maddie, and she was all over it.  All it took was one tour of the school, and she was hooked.

Then came the logistics.

"Maddie, you HAVE to remember to check your blood."

"Maddie, you have to speak up when you are feeling low, or are high."

"Maddie, you have to call me if your site needs to be changed."

"Maddie, you have to remember to give yourself insulin when you're through eating lunch."

"Maddie?  Maddie?  Maddie, are you listening to me?!?"

Then it came time to talk to the teachers, principal, and nurse about diabetes.  They are so very sweet.  I laid everything out very simply and neatly, and they took notes, and asked questions, but they have never had a diabetic child at the school before, so I still worry.  I was surprised to find that they were all attending a Type 1 seminar before school started, but I'm not sure how much information they were expected to retain--sometimes things like that are very overwhelming.  I do believe that if there is a question about anything, they will not hesitate to call me.

So, now we've been in school for over a week, and I have to say, she LOVES it.  Every day there's a new friend.  Every day, something hilarious happens in class.  Every day, they do some crazy-fun experiment or game.  Every day is better than the day before.  But still, every day I worry about her blood sugar.  But at least I know she's having a great time and enjoying herself, and that they're taking good care of her....every day. 

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.....

I have a bit of a problem on my hands.  If you've read any of my previous entries, you know that I thought long and hard, and decided to pull Maddie out of the wonderful Christian school she was in, in order to home school her......in order to reduce her stress of being in a classroom.........in order to bring her A1C down.  As you may have read, everyone who should have been on my side was against me, but I did it anyway, for the benefit of my child.

It's worked, the A1C is slowly coming down, and Maddie is doing a great job at her work, and liking the curriculum that I chose.  I even went so far as to put her in some cool "home school" classes that a local group provides for kids to experience electives, be away from mom, etc.  (I know, I know, that last part defeats the purpose, but whatever......)

Lately, I've been getting flack about how I'm reducing stress now (and lowering the A1C) but when she does get to a point in her life that she experiences stress, whether it be going back to school, or just life in general, she will not be able to handle it, therefor making her A1C go up again.

Maybe I'm rambling, but I think that if I'm doing what is best for the health of my child RIGHT NOW, then I'm doing the right thing.  I'm realizing that indeed it was the stress of having other kids around, whether it be distractions, or competition with grades, tests, etc.  I've learned a lot about her since we've started homeschooling, and I feel like I'm doing the right thing for her, right now. 

Should I worry about "later" now?  Or should I concentrate on "now" now?  Or should I just do what I think is best for my diabetic child?  I mean, it's not like I'm her mother or anything, or in charge of her entire well being, or the primary care taker of this stupid thing we call diabetes.  Oh, wait--YES I AM.

 

Lisa's Images -- Lisa Prevatte

I have a sweet girlfriend that is an awesome photographer.  Her name is Lisa Prevatte of Lisa's Images.  If you'd like her number, just let me know--she's in the High Point area.  She does great wedding pictures, too.  I asked her to get some good pictures of Maddie since she won't be getting school pictures this year.  I am SO glad I did!!  They turned out great, and we're going to do more!!  I can't wait~

 

 

 

October 2009 ~ 9 Years Old

I Will NEVER Homeschool My Child!

This is what I always said.  I will never homeschool my kids.  I have no patience, I like my time alone while my kids are at school, I am not a teacher, and I have access to a wonderful Christian school with an employee discount, thanks to my husband.  That's like killing 2 birds with 1 stone!  Why would I ever want to homeschool??  No way!  It is not something I would ever do.

Even though I know tons of really cool moms who homeschool, I only pictured myself donned in a denim jumper with long stringy outdated hair, looking like Michelle Dugger standing before a long table with all 46 of my calm and obedient dressed-alike children lining the perimeter from smallest to largest.  Besides, it's something that you're "called" to do.  I am neither "called" to do it, nor is it my desire.  Plus, did I mention that my kids are not usually calm, and only obedient part of the time?    

Nope.  It's just not for me.  I will never homeschool my kids.  No way....

Hang on.......my mouth is full..........I just need to swallow......just one minute.......I'm eating my words......

Yep, that's right.  We're homeschooling now.  

Ok, so Maddie breezed through kindergarten, floated on puffy clouds and rainbows through 1st grade, then came 2nd grade.  We had heard that 2nd was a tough year at our school.  We asked for a certain teacher and assistant, (who we loved and still do to this day), which is one of the perks of being employed by the school, AND having a chronically ill child.

We had our life saver at the school (the school nurse) we had all of our friends in class, we had Daddy across the street in the high school, we started the school year with an A1C of 7.2 and we had just come off of a wonderful fun-filled summer.  It couldn't get any better than this!

The first week of school, (which was a 4 day week) Maddie had gotten a project assignment, had gotten notice of her first big test, which was on Monday of the following week, had lots and lots of homework, and was furiously studying for her spelling quiz, Bible verse quiz, and the first 15 states and capitals test.

Woah--I wasn't prepared for this!  It was stressful on me, making sure she was adequately prepared each morning, not to mention it was stressful for Maddie.  There were many mornings when getting Maddie dressed (yep, that's right--she refused to do it herself, and I certainly didn't want her to miss school because she didn't have on her uniform) was like pulling teeth.  That's not to mention trying to get her to check her blood, eat, put her shoes on, brush her hair, etc.  Our morning routine was accompanied by lots of tears and gnashing of teeth.  Maddie was also upset.   

Shawn would drive to school with Maddie crying the whole way there, and I would pick her up, and she would cry the whole way home.  Not because she was being bullied, or having trouble with her friends.  Not because the work was too hard, or she didn't get good grades.  And most of all, not because she didn't like her teacher, or she didn't like the school.

I won't even mention the tears that accompanied doing homework.  I can't decide what was worse--trying to get her out the door in the morning, or trying to get her homework done.  I have to admit, (even though I know her 2nd grade teacher may read this) sometimes I would finish a worksheet, or put the final touches on a project, just to get her to stop crying.  She would go to bed crying, and she started crying as soon as she woke up.     

She was stressed.  She was under a kind of pressure that she hadn't been under before.  She had a lot expected of her academically, and although she could do the work, it stressed her out.  I still don't know if it was the "classroom environment" or the speed at which she worked, opposed to the speed of others, or if maybe her brain works in a totally different way, and she doesn't do well sitting at a desk.  In a matter of 9 months, her A1C had gone from 7.2 up to 9.1 and this was mostly the result of her stress.   

One evening last spring, Shawn and I came to the conclusion that our only option was to homeschool her, although I cringed at the idea.  I'm not in love with the public schools in my area of town, I'm sure they are fine.  But unfortunately, in order to take adequate care of a child with diabetes, you have to have a full time nurse at the school, and public schools just don't have that.  So, our only way to bring down her A1C was to educate her in a non-stressful way, and the only way to do that is for me to homeschool her.

This was a really big deal for me.  Ok, I am no wuss.  I am a single mother for the entire summer, and for the entire fall soccer season.  I can handle anything.  I may not look all that put-together all the time, but if you give it to me, I can take it.  Trust me, I am tough.  I may whine and complain a bit, but I WILL conquer a problem.  I just wasn't sure I could handle homeschooling her.  It was like standing in front of a huge brick wall, by myself, and not knowing how to get to the other side of it.

My parents didn't even think it would go over well.  They told me I was making a huge mistake.  My dad would shake his head in disappointment because we were pulling her out of one of the best schools in town.  My mom told me it was going to be a disaster.  I had friends at church that told me I was wrong in making this decision.  Everyone I talked to said, "Eww--I could never homeschool."  Gee, thanks for all the encouragement!  Where were all of these nay-sayers when my child was inconsolable every single morning, and every single night of the school year??

At this point in all of my 34 years, I had to do something that I absolutely did not want to do, nor did I know how to do it.  I had to do it for the well-being of my child.  This was best for her.  She is my priority.  And of course, I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed about it.  And of course, God calmed my heart.  And of course, everything fell into place.  Why?  Because this was what was best for my child, and this was what is in God's will for her.......oh, and for her mother.

Maddie is loving homeschooling.  She goes up to the computer and works until she's finished.  She's through by the time we leave to pick up Reilly from preschool.  She does well on her quizzes and tests.  She takes a drama class though our homeschool group, which she loves.  She takes a gymnastics class, which she looks forward to every week.   She immediately made a bunch of friends in her classes.  All of these things that I was dreading are turning out to be great.

Why did I dread this?  Why did I fight this?  Why did I spend so much time worrying about this?  Obviously, arguing with God did not go in my favor.  Nonetheless, we are enjoying it.  All of  my homeschooling anxieties are turning out to NOT be problems.  It isn't bad at all.  I guess that's why God put Himself in control, instead of me.  Like I said in the beginning, homeschooling is something you are "called" to do.