Buahahahaha......
SOOOO TRUE!!


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You Can Lead a Horse to Water....

I pride myself on being on top of Maddie's diabetes, for the most part. The only
times I'm not is when things are chaotic, I'm putting out fires, fixing or
cleaning up from a meal, and she runs off to her room. (Another time I'm not on
top of it is when she goes somewhere without me, Shawn or my mom, all the while
PROMISING to check her blood sugar, and correct for it, and for her food.) But
I'd say that 95% of the time, I'm on top of it.

So now that she's 12, and thinks she's 25, our conversations go something like
this:

"Maddie- correct for your blood sugar, and bolus for 60 carbs."

{Silence}

"Maddie! Correct for your blood sugar and 60 carbs!"

"Ok."

{30 seconds go by....}

"Did you correct?"

"I'm getting ready to."

{30 more seconds go by....}

"Did you do it?"

"Mama, I'm really getting ready to!"

"Do it now."

{silence}

"Maddie, I'm waiting...."

"Ok. Correct for my blood sugar and 60 carbs" as she runs up the stairs.

"Don't forget!"

"I won't. I'm doing it now!"

Fast forward 2 hours.

"Maddie, did you correct?"

"Umm...."

"Check your blood sugar NOW!!"

At this point, she is usually very high, and you know how this story ends....

I wonder why I have to ask her to do it so MANY times, (the pump is attached to her body, so she doesn't have to go far to get it,) yet she forgets to correct. I know the years ahead are going to be hard, but I'm not sure I can handle the teenage years AND diabetes. I am trying to instill in her that SHE controls her diabetes and SHE controls her health, therefore SHE controls how she feels throughout the day.  I want her life to be "normal" and I absolutely hate that she has to deal with this stupid disease every hour of the day. 

Starting Over

This past summer, we made a very important decision.  Maddie decided that she wanted to go back to school.  Instead of going to the private school where she attended K-2nd grade, with a full-time nurse to keep a watchful eye on her, she went back to public school.  Back to having 25 kids in one class, back to me not knowing what or how much she's eating, back to a nurse being at the school ONE day per week, back to regular daily recess and PE sessions, and back to me worrying about her for approximately 5 hours of the day.

I honestly enjoyed homeschooling Maddie.  I can't guarantee that I was the best teacher in the world, but we had a really good time.  Unfortunately, I'm not one of these supermoms that I have come in contact with on a weekly basis over the last 2 years who have made it their life's work to educate their children.  I just did what I had to do at the time, and now I'm through with it.  When I started really thinking of all the "normal" fun things that she was going to miss out on by not being in a school setting, I started to feel guilty.  It doesn't have anything to do with her social skills, but more importantly, little things like chatting with her friends at lunch and recess, playing an informal game of kickball on the playground, field trips, Go Far, and the list goes on and on..... 

I had started thinking about checking into the school where the neighborhood kids attend.  I asked around (including people whose kids do not attend there) and found that it was in fact a great school--the best elementary school in the county.  I made a brief mention of "going back to school" to Maddie, and she was all over it.  All it took was one tour of the school, and she was hooked.

Then came the logistics.

"Maddie, you HAVE to remember to check your blood."

"Maddie, you have to speak up when you are feeling low, or are high."

"Maddie, you have to call me if your site needs to be changed."

"Maddie, you have to remember to give yourself insulin when you're through eating lunch."

"Maddie?  Maddie?  Maddie, are you listening to me?!?"

Then it came time to talk to the teachers, principal, and nurse about diabetes.  They are so very sweet.  I laid everything out very simply and neatly, and they took notes, and asked questions, but they have never had a diabetic child at the school before, so I still worry.  I was surprised to find that they were all attending a Type 1 seminar before school started, but I'm not sure how much information they were expected to retain--sometimes things like that are very overwhelming.  I do believe that if there is a question about anything, they will not hesitate to call me.

So, now we've been in school for over a week, and I have to say, she LOVES it.  Every day there's a new friend.  Every day, something hilarious happens in class.  Every day, they do some crazy-fun experiment or game.  Every day is better than the day before.  But still, every day I worry about her blood sugar.  But at least I know she's having a great time and enjoying herself, and that they're taking good care of her....every day. 

Should I, or Shouldn't I?

Every time I see a child who has to use the bathroom constantly, I always think, "I bet she has diabetes, and they need to get her checked....." But I'm not bold enough to go up to the parent and scare the living daylights out of them.

Although, I would have appreciated it if someone would have said, "Your daughter is almost 6 years old and wearing a size 2T. And she's wetting the bed, when she's never done that, even when she was potty training. And she drinks constantly, and goes to the bathroom constantly. And her eyes are sort of sunken in. You should probably get her checked for diabetes."

There's a little girl on Reilly's soccer team that is 4 years old, and has to go to the bathroom probably every 10 minutes. I know this because my husband coaches the team, and she'll run off the field, mid game, and have to run to the port-a-john, leaving him wondering why they are 1 kid short on the field.

Last Saturday, as I watched her go back and forth and back and forth with her mom, I almost suggested that they get her checked for diabetes. Or better yet, say, "I've got a glucometer in my purse--let me check her blood sugar, and give you a heart attack at the same time!"

But, I didn't. And for the rest of the day, I couldn't help but wonder if she really does have it, and should I have suggested it to her parents.

I mean, come on--if anyone knows the signs of high blood sugar, it's the mother of a diabetic, right? I'm not sure what to do next Saturday. I wouldn't want this family to find out in an emergency room, or get a phone call that the little girl has passed out at school. But I also don't want to blurt out, "I'LL BET SHE HAS DIABETES--AN AWFUL DISEASE THAT SHE'LL HAVE FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE--AND ALSO ONE THAT WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE VERY DIFFICULT! YOU SHOULD HAVE HER CHECKED FOR IT!"

I'm always quick to tell my friends and acquaintances what Maddie's symptoms were, just in case their child may show symptoms, and maybe they should get them checked. The sooner the better is what I believe. It's better than getting a shocking phone call, right?

Hhmmm.....what to do....what to do.....

Oh No--I'm Bleeding!!

I look tired all the time. This would be because I stay up until around 2 am, in order to check Maddie as late as I possible can, (hence the LATE night blog entries).

I do this for 2 reasons-- 1) I don't trust that the blood sugar reading before bed was on it's way up, or on it's way down, therefore causing her to crash in the middle of the night, and 2) I don't trust Maddie's pump. I spent 2 years controlling the insulin through shots, and now that I don't have to do that, I can't believe that a little $7,000 pump can figure out what my brain has been trained to do.

Anyway, every night, I go into her room and do the same routine. Every night. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I always scoot her skinny legs out of the way, set her meter on her little tummy, watching it rise and fall as she breathes, then I put the strip in the meter, get the lancet ready, get her ring finger (because that the one SHE uses the least throughout the day,) and then stick her and put her blood on the strip.

As I wait for the reading, which takes about 4 or 5 seconds, I'll wipe off her blood so that she doesn't accidentally get it on her bedding while she sleeps. Then I either correct her, or give her tablets, or hopefully do nothing, and leave her room.

At this point, I always go straight into my bathroom and wash my face and brush my teeth. But the funny thing is, that almost every night, I have blood on either my first finger, or my thumb, depending on which way I was balancing the meter while I was wiping off her finger. And almost every night seeing the dried blood on my hand startles me.

I don't know why I do this--I do it almost every night. I'm not afraid of blood, or anything like that, it's just that as an adult, if I'm ever bleeding, I usually know about it. But EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, it's there, and it always startles me. My first reaction is always, "Oh no! I've got blood on my hand! What have I done to myself?" Then almost immediately I realize that it's Maddie's blood, and I wash my hands.

It's become a habit that as I wash my hands, almost every night, at 2:00 in the morning, I think to myself that it's sad that I've got my daughter's blood on my hands almost every night. That should not be allowed. I shouldn't have to poke and prod my child to draw blood as she sleeps. No one should have to do that. It's just not fair. Just another reason that I hate diabetes.....

Midnight Confessions

When Maddie was first diagnosed, she was on insulin shots, which meant I was in charge of her entire diabetes situation.  When a diabetic goes on an insulin pump, you relinquish control, and the pump takes over, deciding how much insulin to give you according to food and blood sugar, etc.  It has been difficult for me to give up this control to a tiny little purple device that runs on 1 AA battery.

One of my most favorite times of the day is when I check Maddie's blood sugar at 2am.  Everyone in the house is fast asleep, and I go into her room, sit on her bed, and check her blood.  If you've ever watched a child sleep, you know that it's the sweetest thing in the world.  Usually, Maddie isn't too low, so I don't wake her up, but she usually wakes up just enough to give me her finger and watch me as I stick her finger

But sometimes, I have to wake her up all the way to give her a few glucose tablets.  When I do this, I think it stuns her, and she gets a little crazy.  She'll finish a conversation she was having in her dreams, or she'll point to something that she was dreaming about, that in reality isn't there.  But sometimes, she wakes up all the way, and she'll say the sweetest, most random things.

Sometimes she'll tell me that she really enjoyed dinner.  Sometimes, she'll thank me for something I did months ago, or sometimes she'll tell me something really funny that she and Reilly did earlier in the evening.  And sometimes, she'll even tell me that I look beautiful, even though I know that I don't.  My mascara is under my eyes, instead of on my eyelashes, my hair is frizzy from chasing my boys around the house, and my pajamas have some sort of stain on them from whatever my 2 year old was eating before he went to bed.  But it always baffles me that even though it's probably really annoying that she gets woken up, she always seems to be the sweetest at that moment.

It is a burden to have to stay up until 2 am every night, but I am so thankful that I get to have those moments with her all by myself and get to hear her little voice, and see her sleepy little eyes.  That is my favorite part of the day.