I look tired all the time. This would be because I stay up until around 2 am, in order to check Maddie as late as I possible can, (hence the LATE night blog entries).
I do this for 2 reasons-- 1) I don't trust that the blood sugar reading before bed was on it's way up, or on it's way down, therefore causing her to crash in the middle of the night, and 2) I don't trust Maddie's pump. I spent 2 years controlling the insulin through shots, and now that I don't have to do that, I can't believe that a little $7,000 pump can figure out what my brain has been trained to do.
Anyway, every night, I go into her room and do the same routine. Every night. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I always scoot her skinny legs out of the way, set her meter on her little tummy, watching it rise and fall as she breathes, then I put the strip in the meter, get the lancet ready, get her ring finger (because that the one SHE uses the least throughout the day,) and then stick her and put her blood on the strip.
As I wait for the reading, which takes about 4 or 5 seconds, I'll wipe off her blood so that she doesn't accidentally get it on her bedding while she sleeps. Then I either correct her, or give her tablets, or hopefully do nothing, and leave her room.
At this point, I always go straight into my bathroom and wash my face and brush my teeth. But the funny thing is, that almost every night, I have blood on either my first finger, or my thumb, depending on which way I was balancing the meter while I was wiping off her finger. And almost every night seeing the dried blood on my hand startles me.
I don't know why I do this--I do it almost every night. I'm not afraid of blood, or anything like that, it's just that as an adult, if I'm ever bleeding, I usually know about it. But EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, it's there, and it always startles me. My first reaction is always, "Oh no! I've got blood on my hand! What have I done to myself?" Then almost immediately I realize that it's Maddie's blood, and I wash my hands.
It's become a habit that as I wash my hands, almost every night, at 2:00 in the morning, I think to myself that it's sad that I've got my daughter's blood on my hands almost every night. That should not be allowed. I shouldn't have to poke and prod my child to draw blood as she sleeps. No one should have to do that. It's just not fair. Just another reason that I hate diabetes.....
A Thing to Remember
1 year ago
And it's really fun waiting in front of your son's kidnergarten room and someone telling you you're bleeding...and you look down and realize it's your son's blood on your hand and you are like, "Oh, wonder how that happened? Must be a paper cut." Because if you said, "OH, it's just my son's blood." You would be a freak. :(
ReplyDeleteYeah. It shouldn't be like this...I could replay that exact same scenario in our house... verbatim.
ReplyDeleteI'm tired.
I always have blood somewhere on my body or my clothes. I hate it. Yesterday I found a little bloody fingerprint on my kitchen window. It made me so sad!!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds a lot like my nights :( I have a very hard time sleeping because I am always worried about my little girls. Sometimes I feel like the nights are harder then the days because that's when my mind goes into overdrive, worrying about every number, snack, correction and so on...
ReplyDeleteSeeing the blood on our clothes, fingers, or bedding is just another reminder of how difficult and painful type 1 diabetes is.
before reading this i felt tired and alone.
ReplyDeletebut now i just feel tired.
i want to thankyou for writing the words that i dont have the energy to think.
i too find it hard getting up night after night every 2 or 3 hours to stick pins in my precious little girl.
at first i thought that it was the tiredness that was the worst but i have since realised that i would have no problem at all setting my alarm every 2 hours to give my daughter a kiss and tell her i love her. its the fact that i have to get that tiny drop of blood several times every night that makes my heart ache.
my little girl is allergic to the emla cream and tegaderm that i put on her before changing her pump, and it makes her itch quite badly. so every third night i'm the pump change fairy too. i put on the magic cream while she sleeps and then an hour later resite the cannula. its been 9 months of this now and i am finding it harder and harder to see that famous light at the end of the tunnel.
amy has low blood sugars and frequent hypos at night although she is only on 0.025 units of insulin per hour overnight. i am like the hypo police.
i'm starting to think i have too many jobs at night, the phlebotamist, the pump change fairy and hypo police.
my husband wonders why there is a lack of clean socks, i tell him that i had to give up my job in the laundry to keep up with my night shifts!!!
its great moaning and not being able to see if anyone is rolling there eyes at me!
love mairi xx
I commend you for taking care of your daughter. You are strong and your daughter is strong or you would have not made it this far. I have a daughter who has life threating food allergies and although things and our circumstances are different, we are still fighting for our children's lives. Yes certain things suck! and I understand the control part of, for us there are more outside influences that I can not control that can possibly kill my daughter with in minutes... BUT!!! My daughter is still alive and with all her strong will! we will continue to fight and I believe this is just her "thorn in her flesh" and God will use it, HE promises too! even if we never see how I trust God that He has everything under control.. So keep on Momma!!! God is there. ((HUGS)) Kelly K
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