The Phone Call

After the doctor’s loud phone call in his office, he came back into the room. He had made arrangements with a specialist that wasn’t taking new patients. Except for Maddie. She was an exception. I was given directions, a name, a suite number, and a time.

It was a dizzying walk down the hallway back into the waiting room. I remember opening the door and seeing Reilly playing with the toys, and my mom sitting on the chair, smiling. She was ready to go and get on with hanging out with her grandchildren.

I know I wasn’t crying outright, because I was trying to be strong for Maddie, and I didn’t want her to think it was a big deal. I didn’t want her to be scared. I do know that I had tears in my eyes, and the moment I looked at my mom, who was smiling, and she saw my tears, I had to actually say it.

“What did he say?!?”

I didn’t want to say it. If I said it, then I’d be putting it out there, and I’m not ready to do that. If I nod my head, will my mom know what I mean? Will she think everything is fine? Or will she get my hint? What is Maddie going to think?

Get it together, Marcie. Maddie is listening. Get it together, girl. If you break down, she’ll freak out, and you don’t need her to do that right now. Clear your throat. Swallow. Take a deep breath.

“She has diabetes,” I spoke very softly so maybe, just maybe, Maddie wouldn’t hear me.

“WHAT?”

“She has diabetes. We have to go see a pediatric endocrinologist at 2:00.”

My mom didn’t say much after that. I didn’t say much either. I do remember her calling my dad to tell him to pray. We had to figure out how to spend the next couple of hours with a toddler and a hungry 5 year old, that apparently had diabetes.

I don’t remember dialing the phone, but I had to somehow inform my husband that our sweet baby girl, the light of our lives, our first born child, the owner of our hearts, has diabetes.

“Hello?” Shawn is always very chipper at school. I think it’s because he’s doing exactly what he is meant to be doing. He loves it, and I think he’s really good at it.

“Hey.” I, however, was not so chipper.

“Hey! What’s up?”

I was mumbling softly, trying not to get upset, or let Maddie hear my conversation. “Maddie has diabetes.”

“What? I didn’t hear you. Maddie what?”

“She has diabetes.”

“SHE HAS DIABETES?”

“Yes. Mom and I are on our way to get them something to eat, then we have a 2:00 appointment with a doctor. You should probably come.”

“Where is the appointment?”

I gave him directions and he hung up. I could tell he was trying not to cry.